I was eight when I came to the realization that I did not want children. By this point in my life, I was an aunt five or six times. I was at my older sister’s house, surrounded by my nieces and my one nephew and I realized that I really enjoyed peace and quiet.
I am now twenty-two and have heard the phrases, “oh, you’ll change your mind” and “I said the same thing when I was your age” more times than I even care to know. In the time between eight and twenty-two, I’ve never decided that I want children. I have not even come close to changing my mind. If anything, I want them even less as I grow older.
Now I am in no way denouncing women who want to be mother’s. I applaud all of your beautiful, patient souls. And I am so happy that you love being a mom, truly. I honestly think it is wonderful for you that creating an entire human being has made your life so whole and happy.
But that is not the case for every woman, and we need to stop acting like it is. There are so many reasons that a woman might not want to have children. Or just wants people to stop asking about it. We are more than just a child-creating machine. Women suffer from reproductive issues and having a child might put them at risk. Diseases might run in the family that they do not want to pass along. Money might be tight. They might have other priorities. They might simply just not want a child. And you know what? It is nobody’s business but their own.
When people tell me that they also said they didn’t want kids at my age, I often remind them that we are not actually the same person. You liked babies when you were younger, I’ve never been a huge fan. I’m also not saying that I had babies and children here. I’m just stating that they’ve never been my favorite version of people.
Instead of being a mom, I want free time. I want to sleep when I want to and not have to worry about a small human crying in another room. I want to travel. I want to not worry about what I have in my house because it could be dangerous if a baby were to get hold of it. I want to finish my master’s degree and focus on working on myself. I don’t want to contribute to the massive amount of people living on the earth. If I had a change of heart and decided that I wanted to be a mom, I would adopt a child that is already born.
I’m now an aunt to seven nieces and one nephew and I love being an aunt. I enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephew. I have fun around them, but I also enjoy being able to go back home to my quiet house at the end of the day.
And all of that is my decision. And maybe there is another woman out there that feels the exact same way as I do. At the end of the day, my life is my life. And it is my decision as to what I would like to do with that life.
If I don’t ever become a mom, that doesn’t make me any less of a woman. It doesn’t mean that I am not whole. It means that I am living my life on my own terms and I will not let what other people think I should do, dictate my life.
